Category Archives: things I can’t do

Competing with yourself.

Instagram and pinterest have a bunch of obnoxious ~inspirational~ quotes floating around, but one that I have always tried to abide by is to not compare myself to other people — a sure-fire way to cripple my self-esteem — and instead use my own previous bests as benchmarks to meet or pass. “Comparison is the thief of joy” is not only an eye-rolling, trite sentiment; it also happens to be kind of true.

So imagine my levels of WTF when I realized that, after six months of actually trying to get back into some semblance of being physically fit, I am still nowhere near as strong as I was before being pregnant. I’m not even close to being as strong as I was during my FINAL MONTH of pregnancy.

There are a lot of reasons for this, and I could list a lot of excuses, and in the grand scheme of things, is this the worst thing in the world? Of course not. But it’s a hard pill to swallow when you realize that even when you are only comparing your current self to your former self, your joy is being thiefed (as it were).


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Comparing yourself to a millionaire and other pitfalls.


HA HA HA NO I FUCKING DON’T. You think Beyonce took public transit to work today?

I recently unfollowed a popular Toronto-based “nutrition expert” when she started a post-baby “Get Back in Your Skinny Jeans, You Fat Moms” campaign (not the exact title of the campaign). This seemed to be a very off-brand choice for her — through social media, this expert has crafted an image that implies she ate and exercised perfectly throughout her pregnancy AND after giving birth, while always and only using all-natural, organic, HOMEMADE skincare and cleaning products. So why the hard left-turn from focusing on “health” to focusing on “skinny”?

(Also: give me a break. No one’s eating perfectly and making all their own products throughout pregnancy and while caring for a baby without having a tonnnnnnn of help (that, by the way, isn’t getting mentioned).)

The skinny jeans campaign and this stupid Beyonce meme all feeds into a culture that asks women, especially moms, that since we “have the same number of hours in the day as Beyonce, why aren’t we more like Beyonce, why are we sitting on the couch watching Adventure Time while eating sour patch kids, does that sound like something Beyonce would do with her hours, this is why you’re not Beyonce.”

Beyonce and her hours + the incessant drumbeat of “experts” who are way too eager to see moms in tight pants comprises another effort to shame motivate women to, I don’t know, get off their lazy asses and be more productive/eat better/exercise more/lose baby weight/use pinterest/buy mugs. Only the women though: there’s a reason why nobody’s talking about Jay-Z’s hours and no one’s trying to get his dadbod into skinny jeans. (The reason is sexism.)

(Actually, and capitalism.)


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Filed under crazy junky mess, general ranting, things I can't do

At what point are we going to talk about Kim Jong-un’s haircut

I mean, seriously. Come on. Right???


Filed under crazy junky mess, goin' places, things I can't do


How many wars, secret or otherwise, is the US government fighting these days? By my count, they are fighting in:

  1. Iraq
  2. Afghanistan
  3. Libya
  4. Pakistan
  5. Yemen
  6. Women’s uteri

Am I missing anything? I guess I’m not including the war on unions, the war on education, or the war on their own infrastructure.


Filed under crazy junky mess, environmental nightmare, general ranting, things I can't do

That WOULD be cool

It’s what we’re all thinking.

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Filed under lahv lahv lahv, things I can't do

I certainly don’t know anyone who would want to date a vegan

Jon Shook, an owner of Animal, the meat- and fat-centric restaurant in Los Angeles, becomes effusive when he talks about coaxing his girlfriend, Shiri Appleby, a television actress and a former vegan, into eating his fried pork chops. “She’s like 110 pounds, maybe, in wet clothes, and when she’s with me, we eat everything and anything,” he said on the phone. “On our first date, I was like, ‘Hey, why’d you stop being a vegan?’ And she was like, ‘What kind of guy’s going to date a vegan?’ And I was like, ‘You’re awesome.’ ”


Can we seriously stop with this trope? Why is it considered “awesome” when a thin, white woman eats meat? People know that less than 3% of the US population is vegetarian, right? So can we all just agree that it isn’t so totally WILD and ABSURD to meet a woman who eats meat?

(Also, as an aside, it sounds like Shiri Appleby was already NOT a vegan when she met this guy [i.e., she said she had already given up veganism in order to be able to DATE A GUY before their first date], so I don’t really see how he “coaxed” her into anything.)

UGGHHHHHH 97% of the population eats meat GET OVER IT DUDE.

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Filed under general ranting, things I can't do, veganish

Young Stalin


Did you guys know about this?


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