Category Archives: crazy junky mess

Comparing yourself to a millionaire and other pitfalls.

Hours

HA HA HA NO I FUCKING DON’T. You think Beyonce took public transit to work today?

I recently unfollowed a popular Toronto-based “nutrition expert” when she started a post-baby “Get Back in Your Skinny Jeans, You Fat Moms” campaign (not the exact title of the campaign). This seemed to be a very off-brand choice for her — through social media, this expert has crafted an image that implies she ate and exercised perfectly throughout her pregnancy AND after giving birth, while always and only using all-natural, organic, HOMEMADE skincare and cleaning products. So why the hard left-turn from focusing on “health” to focusing on “skinny”?

(Also: give me a break. No one’s eating perfectly and making all their own products throughout pregnancy and while caring for a baby without having a tonnnnnnn of help (that, by the way, isn’t getting mentioned).)

The skinny jeans campaign and this stupid Beyonce meme all feeds into a culture that asks women, especially moms, that since we “have the same number of hours in the day as Beyonce, why aren’t we more like Beyonce, why are we sitting on the couch watching Adventure Time while eating sour patch kids, does that sound like something Beyonce would do with her hours, this is why you’re not Beyonce.”

Beyonce and her hours + the incessant drumbeat of “experts” who are way too eager to see moms in tight pants comprises another effort to shame motivate women to, I don’t know, get off their lazy asses and be more productive/eat better/exercise more/lose baby weight/use pinterest/buy mugs. Only the women though: there’s a reason why nobody’s talking about Jay-Z’s hours and no one’s trying to get his dadbod into skinny jeans. (The reason is sexism.)

(Actually, and capitalism.)

 

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Smart take.

Currently on the home page of Salon:

boobs1

 

Cool website. Very progressive. Very inclusive. Definitely doesn’t make me think that it cares more about male readers, or that it assumes the default reader of the site is male.

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Lesley’s Trailer Reviews

After Earth: A blogger pointed out that Will Smith’s face looks weird in this trailer and it really does. It makes me think that he’s going to turn out to be a hologram or something. Also I thought it was dumb how at the end of the trailer Will Smith is like, “Do you know where we are? …EARTH.” Like, duh. Was that supposed to be a big reveal?? Also his son is in it?? I don’t know about this anymore.

Superman: BORING! What a boring trailer, except for the last 40 seconds. Also, it seems like they’re going to really play up this Superman = Jesus thing. Also, Zach Snyder, ugh.

If you can’t make a trailer as good as Battleship’s trailer, PACK IT IN!!

ETA: I just watched Battleship’s trailer again. What an amazing trailer. Better than these other two trailers EVEN THOUGH it’s derivative of every single Transformers trailer (while being better than those trailers). It’s THAT GOOD.

ETA 2:

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Club Monaco, you are killing me.

Honest to god, what is going on here?

GRUMPY AS FUCK!

Is this model angry that she’s working for Club Monaco? Does she hate being photographed? What? What is it? Is she bored?

WORST CAMPAIGN EVER! Possibly even worse than J Crew. Just, a disaster.

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Despite the idiotic headline, I read this article

Today in the New York Times: “Despite Alarm by U.S., Europe Lets Hezbollah Operate Openly.”

Okay. To begin with, let’s just get this out of the way, that is a terrible headline. The idea that “Europe” (I’m assuming that is supposed to be the EU, but why get into specifics) could “let” or “not let” Hezbollah, a political party with democratically elected members in the Lebanese government, operate “openly” is ridiculous. They’re part of the government! What would the plan be here? To have the US go into a sovereign nation that it’s not (yet, who knows with those guys) at war with and tear apart its government? Great plan!

Washington and Jerusalem insist that Hezbollah is an Iranian-backed terrorist organization with bloody hands, and that it is working closely with Tehran to train, arm and finance the Syrian military’s lethal repression of the uprising there. Yet, the European Union continues to treat it foremost as a Lebanese political and social movement.

PPPPCCRRHHHWWWW!!! That is the sound of my brain exploding! I am going to try to not be sarcastic here, so: perhaps the reason why the European Union treats Hezbollah foremost as a Lebanese political and social movement is precisely because it is a Lebanese political and social movement (???).

Israeli and American officials have attributed the Bulgarian bus bombing last month that killed six people, including five Israeli tourists, to Hezbollah and Iran, saying it was part of a clandestine offensive that has included plots in Thailand, India, Cyprus and elsewhere.

Oh really? That’s weird because on the next page of the article, it says, “Hezbollah’s defenders note that no hard evidence has been produced tying the group to the Bulgarian bus bombing.” So is there evidence or not? If there is, why isn’t that discussed in this paragraph of the article? (And in what way is bombing a bus “clandestine”? Ugghh let’s not even get into it.)

Hezbollah has maintained a low profile in Europe since the attacks of Sept. 11, 2001,

Umm so it’s kept a low profile (except for all of these clandestine efforts) for 11 years. What a nefarious plan! Step 1: get elected to the government. Step 2: but also keep a low profile for 11 years. Step 3: while keeping a low profile, bomb a bus.

quietly holding meetings and raising money that goes to Lebanon, where officials use it for an array of activities — building schools and clinics, delivering social services and,

GASP! Not…building SCHOOLS!? And clinics?! SOCIAL SERVICES?!

Western intelligence agencies say, carrying out terrorist attacks.

Oh. Hmm. Who are these Western intelligence agencies? I’m just wondering because it seems like the EU intelligence agencies don’t agree? Maybe it’s time to exchange info?

Skeptics here in Europe say that as Hezbollah has become more political the group has moved away from its terrorist past, if not forsaken it entirely, and that Israel is stoking fears as it seeks to justify an attack on Iran’s nuclear facilities.

HMMMM. What’s that? No, I doubt that’s the case. That’s pretty far-fetched! I mean, what a conspiracy theory!

Not to put too fine a point on it, and I certainly don’t want to have to bring up the past, but: let’s not forget that Hezbollah formed in response to Israel’s 1982 invasion into Lebanon. Why the US is still pretending that it doesn’t understand why nations that get attacked form groups to counter those attacks is seriously bizarre. Why, the US acting like Hezbollah is issuing drone strikes and assassinating Lebanese citizens without a trial! [SNAP!]

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J crew is just fucking with me now

Dear j crew catalogue,

Okay, what the fuck is this now? I honestly feel like you are doing this just to spite me.

NO BRIDESMAID AT SOME ALL-J CREW WEDDING IS GOING TO WEAR HER HAIR LIKE THIS. IT LOOKS RIDICULOUS.

Honest to god, this actually infuriates me.

And the model that had absolutely TERRIBLE hair last time somehow got off even worse this time! I mean, SERIOUSLY??

You can see her scalp!! What is this!?!?!

God, I hate this catalogue.

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An open letter to the j crew March 2012 catalogue

Dear j crew March 2012 catalogue,

I must formally request that you refrain from treating your readers like morons who don’t realize that j crew clothes are very preppy and very expensive and as such, the ridiculous hair styling presented before us can only be a total joke. No one who wears j crew from head to toe is styling her hair like this.

This isn’t even “she just woke up” hair. This is hair that has been carefully styled to look, I don’t even know, like she’s been wearing a winter hat for days and she’s been really sweating into it?

What is even happening here? What is the look you are going for, catalogue? You are full of the preppiest clothes possible, but you want readers to believe that the same woman who wears preppy, expensive clothes also rubs her scalp in grease and carefully makes her hair look like a giant comb-over before she leaves the house? Stop.

By far though, catalogue, this is the worst offender:

Catalogue, PLEASE. These women are in bridesmaid’s dresses. You mean to tell me that at a wedding where all of the bridesmaids are wearing expensive j crew dresses, they are going to arrive with hair like this? No. That is ridiculous. They look like they just ran a marathon and then pulled on these dresses. No. I will not accept this, catalogue. This doesn’t make any sense. Who are you trying to appeal to? This doesn’t look casual and effortless. It looks like a LOT of effort went into making sure these women had messy, greasy, hat hair. This isn’t 1994. You aren’t selling grunge clothes in a misguided attempt to capitalize on a nostalgic customer base. You sell SPERRY’S, for god’s sake!

Get your act together, catalogue.

Do better, be better: Let this be your motto for your April 2012 catalogue.

 

 

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